What You’ve Been Avoiding Is Calling You

Decoding the Signs, the Struggles, and the Path to Your Next Breakthrough

Since the moment my father transitioned out of bodily form, things in the physical world around me have been rapidly unraveling. It all makes sense now that I’ve come to recognize my greater role for this physical vessel He assigned Me. Being a transient student and teacher has been my way through it all.

I wasn’t raised by religion or in religion, but rather by people who had been brought up through it. My parents came from opposite worlds in many ways, and religion was no exception. In fact, I suspect my father’s religion made him even more attractive to my mother, knowing how upset marrying a Catholic man would have made her parents. Her parents never missed an opportunity to tell me how much they opposed my father—until I finally told them I didn’t want to hear it anymore.

Not long after my brother was born, my parents moved us to a town in Maryland called Columbia. The developer, James Rouse, envisioned a community rooted in equality and respect. Columbia was designed as a revolutionary space where all people—regardless of ethnicity, religion, or gender—were given equitable access to education and services. This vision was in alignment with my parents’ shared ideals about how to raise their children.

Behind closed doors, however, their ideals often clashed. Christmas and Hanukkah were both celebrated in our household, as commercialism had long assigned its strength of value to holy days. I was raised in the tension between two worlds, where belief systems collided and contradictions thrived.

When I was in sixth grade, my family sent me to North Carolina to live with my father’s brother and his wife while my little brother was hospitalized for cancer treatment. During that time, I attended Mass every Sunday with my uncle, who also gave me private lessons on Catholicism. Meanwhile, at public school, Christianity was seamlessly integrated into the curriculum.

When I returned home, my mother insisted that I complete my Bat Mitzvah—a Jewish rite of passage marking the transition into spiritual responsibility. I fought her tooth and nail. To me, it felt like an empty ritual imposed on me after everything I’d learned in my time away. It was Temple Isaiah’s Rabbi who finally convinced me to go through with it. He listened to my doubts and struggles in a way I wasn’t used to. He explained how my views on G-d and religion were not out of alignment with Judaism but could coexist within it. He reminded me that Jesus was Jewish and that Christ’s followers recognized His voice through Him. That made sense to me, and he helped me select a Haftorah passage that reflected my personal values.

Jewish Perspectives on Spiritual Warfare

Jewish beliefs about spiritual warfare are nuanced and rooted in the tradition’s foundational texts. The struggle is primarily internal—an ethical wrestling with our own inclinations and choices, guided by divine wisdom. Unlike Christian theology, which often externalizes spiritual warfare, Judaism emphasizes an ongoing battle between good and evil within ourselves, approached through several lenses:

1. The Yetzer HaTov and Yetzer HaRa (Inclination for Good and Evil):

Every person has two inclinations: the yetzer ha-tov (good inclination) and the yetzer ha-ra (evil inclination). Spiritual warfare is about aligning one’s actions with God’s will by choosing righteousness over selfish or destructive desires.

2. Mitzvot as a Tool for Spiritual Growth:

Observing the commandments (mitzvot) disciplines the individual and creates spiritual alignment with God, making it a proactive way to engage in the battle against negativity.

3. Divine Protection and Prayer:

Psalms, blessings, and prayers are integral in seeking divine protection from harm—physical or spiritual. For instance, Psalm 91 is often recited for deliverance, reflecting belief in God’s safeguarding power.

4. The Cosmic Struggle of Good and Evil:

Jewish eschatology envisions the ultimate triumph of good over evil with the coming of the Messiah (Mashiach), where divine justice and peace will prevail.

5. Kabbalistic Perspectives:

In Kabbalah, spiritual warfare takes on a cosmic dimension. Human actions are seen as influencing divine realms, repairing spiritual damage (tikkun olam), and balancing divine judgment and mercy.

These perspectives reflect Judaism’s emphasis on personal responsibility, ethical action, and the partnership between humanity and God in overcoming evil and achieving redemption.

I spent most of my adult life externally agnostic, though always aware of a higher source of consciousness—a divine orchestration that can be understood but not explained. For years, I explored world religions and philosophies, trying to make sense of what I’d experienced. In 2004, while working as a massage therapist and life coach, I received my Reiki Master attunement and Ministerial Ordination. Still, speaking about faith or debating theology never inspired me. Until it did.

Two and a half years ago, I was in Maine, losing my mind trying to get through to someone I believed I’d made an agreement with that I couldn’t fulfill. I thought this person would be in my life forever. I still hope they will be. He wasn’t showing up for the conversations I needed to have, and I couldn’t figure out how to bridge the distance between us. I realized I had no control over his thoughts, feelings, or timelines—only over my own choices.

It was then that patterns emerged in my awareness, remembering relationships I’d had throughout life with various men, starting with my father. I could see how deeply fear and misunderstanding had shaped every connection.

I understand men better than they understand themselves, and it often terrifies them. I realized that my journey wasn’t just about personal relationships—it was about understanding leadership and responsibility on a deeper level.

That’s when I had to “die,” and everything changed. Now I understand how My Father in heaven communicates with me in all situations and circumstances and I am ready for more.

At 8 years old, G-d began communicating answers to me that I’ve spent 40 years decoding like Jeopardy. I know what JFK knew. I know what MLK knew. I know what every great artist who has ever poured their soul into their work has understood. Few regard greatness. Few remember how they are meant to behave, from the beginning.

This is what I believe Jesus spoke of: leadership that begins within. Whether leading a nation, a community, or simply a family around the kitchen table, as we live, we lead. And others follow. It’s a heavy burden to bear.

To write and speak openly and unconditionally about my feelings and observations makes me a target. How dare I have opinions or beliefs that challenge others? But I can’t stay silent anymore.

I have found the location where I want to break ground for the Transcendence Architecture™ Retreat Center for Recovery and Spiritual Healing—a sanctuary for elevating consciousness and eradicating poverty and I am ready to lead.

If you feel called to support or invest in this vision, please reach out. Together, we can build a sanctuary where healing and transformation ripple out into the world.

I have lived a rich life that no amount of money could ever replace. My journey has been a testament to the dedication of the visionaries who came before me, and I am honored to carry their legacies forward in integrity.

In gratitude and grace, may this Advent season fill your heart with anticipation, mercy, and joy.

Many Blessings,

🕊️