The End Is Near... Or Is It?
If the doctor told you today that you have just three-months left to live, how would you spend it?
I am terminally ill.
For the past year or so I’ve been processing and questioning when and how my physical existence will conclude — privately dancing with emotions and pushing against limits and boundaries set by others.
In September 2022 I was informed by a specialist that I would not likely live beyond three-months without a medical procedure for which I did not (and still do not) have the resources for.
Here I am still, five-months later.
Four-days ago a specialist confirmed the September diagnosis and provided the prognosis that without the procedure, my death is imminent.
Every challenge we encounter in life is always at the same time a divine opportunity for growth and that is the lens with which I’ve chosen to view life through.
I am not a victim.
I am not a survivor.
I am not a martyr.
I am a human being who appreciates all growth opportunities.
While I do have faith that resources for medical intervention and recovery may be found, the enjoyment of my remaining days — however many they wind up being — is of paramount importance to me.
Dying is an interesting process. Painful yet peaceful all at the same time.
The closer I get to the end, the easier it becomes to enjoy the transition with higher degrees of consciousness and ease.
I have no more fight left.
I have no regrets.
I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to apologize for and nothing to overcome.
I’ve lived my life on purpose and have consistently been in integrity with who I am, regardless of any conditions or circumstances.
There are many things I have left to share and if you gift me your attention I will gift you my discoveries for as long as I’m comfortably able to.
Let’s start here…
Every single day people miss boundless opportunities to reduce and remove adversity from their life, more often than not unintentionally exacerbating unwanted circumstances instead.
Most humans have a very limited understanding of how this works and it is actually far simpler than you may realize.
I will share a bit of my perspective on things below and look forward to getting more granular and actionable in response to your questions that follow.
Please do not hesitate to ask. No questions are off limits.
Often what I share seems abstract and confusing to most people, but if it ever stimulates your curiosity I’m eager to offer clarification.
It brings me immense joy to play a role in helping others better understand themselves and make more sense of the world around around them.
If you remember just one thing I teach once we part ways, I hope it is this:
You are the ultimate creator of your own life experience.
Fighting against that which is unwanted…
Standing in judgment of others…
Dismissing or diminishing the value of others — any others…
These are all examples of how you inadvertently deepen your own suffering, as well as the suffering of those around you.
While there will always be conditions and beings to interact with that you have no control over, you do always have the power to experience life as you wish.
This may not make sense to you yet but if it is your desire to understand and you make it your mission to do so without compromise, I promise that you will eventually get it.
Rushing and worrying slow the process so relax and know that you have your entire lifetime within which to get it. All is well.
Once you are able to understand life from a broader perspective — aka higher consciousness, life becomes more mindbendingly rich than you can possibly imagine today, and it continues to get better and better forever from there.
Because it’s from this spiritually focused perspective and awareness that physical limits / “reality” dissolves.
No matter how much focus and dedication you devote to molding or controlling the external circumstances and beings in your life, ultimately it is only your own inner world which you truly have control of.
You get to experience life on your own terms 100% of the time once you are able to perceive your life from the broader perspective vantage point, and as more and more others choose to do the same of their own volition and through their own personal journeys, the more ease and peace will prevail all around you.
Until that time comes to pass remember — especially in your darkest hours, there is no other being on earth who can control or “break” you unless you unitentionally empower them to do so.
You are far more powerful than you’ve yet to realize but if you’re honest with yourself, you already know this is true.
It is my deepest desire for you to realize, recognize, remember, and rejoice in this truth — knowing who you truly are and what your purpose for being is.
Invest more of your attention into your own personal discovery, exploration, and actualization of self.
Recognize the profound difference between doctrine and faith, without animosity.
Seek to find and strengthen your personal faith as you allow yourself to release your attachment and adherence to doctrines.
Stop giving away your power to others by adopting their viewpoints and arguments as your own.
Love, trust, and value life more — all life, unconditionally.
Stop looking for things to argue about or defend.
Stop being offended.
Stop blaming, shaming, and attempting to humiliate or degrade others.
Find more to appreciate in the present moments as frequently as you can.
Give less of your attention to the stories of others and more into living your own.
Stop multitasking and consuming for the sake of consumption and completion.
Be present in every moment with yourself, your task at hand, and the beings you’re in close proximity to — regardless of whether or not you want to.
Put down your devices and silence your notifications.
Release your attachments to gadgets and substances and stories and your expectations of others to perform for you.
Spend time alone without distractions or agendas and let yourself breathe naturally.
Get to know yourself better.
Understand what makes you tick and find humor in it.
Enjoy your own body and mind more.
Celebrate each awareness you have about yourself, by yourself and for yourself every day.
You are magnificent and won’t need anyone to feed your ego once you realize it.
Intellectually you know that life is short, precious, and can all be over any minute so demonstrate your remembering of that more frequently.
Monuments and mementos are as temporary as words.
Pain is finite.
Look strangers in their eyes and use their names with a smile.
Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Let others witness their impeccability in your reflections of them.
Observe more and demand less.
Remember that every human being was at one point a child too, and that no child has ever grown up without knowing pain and fear.
Treat other beings with the high degree of respect and compassion you wish you’d always been treated with.
Stop regurgitating quotes by others and talk your own walk more.
Don’t bother going through the motions, it’s a waste of your time.
Routines and habits do not support growth, they support complacency.
Question yourself and give others a break.
Ponder all of this.
Understand all of this.
Make time for all of this.
If you don’t, eventually you will be gone and the ones left behind certainly will.
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Wow....I don't know what to say Nicole. I've known you for many years and have always admired your spirit, compassion and integrity. I've thought about you and wondered what you've been up to the last 6 months since seeing less of you online. I'm grateful our paths crossed and the thoughts you've shared here are ones I started deeply thinking about a few years back that urged me to make massive changes in my life and continue to. Much love, Line Brunet
This. So profound. Thank you for sharing your heart, Nichole. And for reminding all of us, regardless of how much time we have on this planet, to live fully, exuberantly, and delighting in the now. Sending you love and light, and thanking you for yours!