Rewriting My Obituary: What Facing Death Taught Me About Life
How Embracing Death Opens the Door to New Life
Death is paradoxically both feared and dismissed in American culture because it challenges the core ideals that shape the nation’s identity—individualism, productivity, and the illusion of control.
The Denial of Death in American Culture
The American ethos is rooted in self-determination and personal achievement. Death, as the ultimate equalizer, dismantles this illusion of agency—it renders status, wealth, and accomplishments irrelevant in an instant.
In a culture that prizes youth and self-sufficiency, death represents an inescapable fate that no amount of effort can overcome. It directly contradicts the American ideal of control over one’s future.
American culture thrives on endless growth and ambition. Death disrupts both.
The idea that striving will eventually cease is so unsettling that it is pushed to the margins of consciousness.
The anti-aging industry, health optimization obsession, and euphemisms like “passing away” all serve to distance people from mortality.
Even within healthcare, death is treated as a failure rather than a natural stage of life, often leading to excessive expensive interventions instead of acceptance and dignity.
The Loss of a Unifying Narrative
Traditionally, religious frameworks provided structured ways to engage with death—rituals, mourning practices, and afterlife beliefs that gave meaning to dying.
While faith persists in America, secularization and consumerist practices have left many without a shared cultural roadmap for understanding death.
Without a collective belief in an afterlife or purpose beyond material existence, death is framed as the ultimate loss, apparently making it even more terrifying.
Death as Spectacle, Not Reality
Death is hyper-visible in entertainment but rarely depicted as a personal, natural experience.
Movies, TV, and video games often portray death as heroic or violent, distancing people from the slow, undignified, deeply human aspects of dying that lead to imperative reconciliation.
This detachment leads instead to avoidance and discomfort, leaving many unprepared when death becomes personal.
Cultural Optimism and the Fear of “Negativity”
American culture is inherently biased toward the idea of optimism, often at the expense of acknowledging suffering and appreciation of life.
Death is seen as a disruption to progress and innovation. A general inconvenience.
Mourning and grief are expected to be brief and private, often met with platitudes rather than genuine communal support.
Many cultures incorporate death into daily life through communal grieving and intergenerational wisdom-sharing, but America, in contrast, lacks strong traditions for engaging with loss.
The Result: A Society That Both Fears and Ignores Death
The fear of death leads to its dismissal—by avoiding the conversation, sanitizing the process, and hiding the dying so as not to be inconvenienced.
Yet, this avoidance only amplifies the fear when death inevitably arrives, leaving many unprepared, unable to process grief, and uncomfortable supporting others in mourning.
Ultimately, American culture’s relationship with death is one of deep contradiction: a simultaneous obsession and aversion, an entertainment spectacle and an existential terror, a medical challenge and a philosophical void.
Without meaningful cultural engagement with mortality, the fear of death remains unresolved, manifesting in the very avoidance that defines it.
Death as the Gateway to Life
If life were endless, it would be stagnant. The fact that it is limited gives it urgency, beauty, and depth.
The finiteness of time forces discernment—what matters, what doesn’t, and what is worth investing energy in.
The way one engages with life reflects how one perceives death.
If death is seen as an enemy, life becomes a battle against time.
If death is a transition, life becomes an unfolding experience.
Those who embrace mortality often live more freely, unburdened by the illusion that they must “outrun” death.
The Death of the Ego
True spiritual awakening requires a kind of death ahead of physical death—the surrender of false identity and attachments.
This death-in-life is what allows one to be fully present and to celebrate existence without fear of its end.
Many cultures celebrate the dead, but the deeper wisdom is in celebrating life before it ends.
To honor a life well-lived, one must first live well.
This means not waiting for “someday” to pursue humility, joy, love, truth, or purpose.
The Cost of Ignoring Death
When death is dismissed, life is lived passively—either numbed by distractions or enslaved by the pursuit of longevity at the expense of presence.
The irony is that in trying to avoid death, many fail to truly live.
To recognize the value of life, one must stand at the threshold of death—not in fear, but in reverence. Only then can every breath, moment, and experience be seen for the miracle it is.
For all of America’s attempts to deny and sanitize death, it has a way of forcing itself into our lives—sometimes in ways we never expect.
I learned this firsthand.
My Goodbye Again
When I told my mother I’d be writing my memoirs, shortly after my father’s death, I thought I was being considerate.
I wanted to prepare her for what I would be sharing—the truth about my life—as I prepared to step into a new calling to serve more publicly.
It seemed wise to get ahead of any potential nonsense by revealing my own upbringing, but back then, I had still forgotten so much of it.
On the surface, my story was noteworthy enough to garner the sort of PR I would need to quietly build a new platform.
I didn’t want to go deep, just far enough for a proper journalist to be satisfied.
Of course, I had no idea what anyone was hiding back then, because I never really thought about it.
My life has been lived fully, every day. There’s been no sense for me to dwell in the past or in pain. I didn’t realize that’s what most people do though. Stagnantly numbing themselves until death.
But memories surface in chain reactions, much like word associations work—unraveling one after the next as we focus on them.
That’s why you’re taught not to think about things, why counseling sessions get scheduled to keep you “needing” to come back unhealed and talking more, or you’re handed an alcoholic beverage or pharmaceutical to settle down and put your cares to rest.
Nobody wants you to remember anything. They just want you to have a good time and not take life too seriously. But it is serious.
Not long after I told her and a few others that I’d be writing, I got sick.
Turned out a tumor in my throat was responsible for sucking the life out of me, lickety split. That’s significant when you understand the body through an Eastern medicine lens. Nobody wants me talking.
The American doctors told me I would die.
The man I loved claimed I wouldn’t.
When I told my mother that the end was approaching she said she’d come. I should have known better, but on death’s doorstep the truth was the last thing I wanted to remember.
She changed her mind the next day after the initial jolt of excitement of having a dying daughter wore off. When she had to actually follow through and be with me, she wasn’t interested.
It hurt, but it didn’t surprise me. God sent other angels in for me, just like always. And I survived. Not just in body, but in mind, and in spirit. I am still here. And that was enough to unsettle everyone.
On the other side of it, I was pronounced “healed”. They’d removed the tumor from my throat and my cells began regenerating quickly.
Ready to regroup, rebuild, embrace a new lease on life, no one in my life seemed happy about that. Except for her. At first. Once I realized what she’d done, things started looking different.
At first, I thought it was just my father’s wives. Now I see—it’s really just about everyone who ever spent time with me. As they say, I “know things”—only they have no idea what.
Just like when my foster kids thrived under my care, defying the “evidence” that they were lost causes, I became the problem.
Here I thought I was solving problems, not realizing how much investment there is in creating them.
I had to experience all of her sociopathic tendencies again to remember who I’m fighting for.
My father told me many times as a child that someday I’d have to stick around and fight. I never really understood back then. Things read differently now.
What I’ve come to understand is that fear of death is really just fear of life, and I’ve never been afraid of living.
The deeper one fears the end, the more they resist truly living. Scripture offers another way when you understand how to read it—an invitation to eternity, not after death, but in every breath. You get to be the walking embodiment of God, should you choose to.
Living Eternity Now: Practical Application
Adapting a practice of presence in modern America requires a shift in perception, not withdrawal from reality. It’s not about avoiding responsibilities or pretending suffering doesn’t exist—it’s about living within the world but not being of it (John 17:16).
The key is presence, gratitude, and trust—which are principles deeply rooted in Scripture.
Recognizing Each Day as Eternity
“This is the day the Lord has made.” (Psalm 118:24)
Instead of treating life as a means to an end—grinding through the workweek, waiting for retirement, postponing joy—Scripture invites us to rejoice in each day as a divine gift.
Imagine if one 24-hour period were equal to an entire year. How might you prioritize it differently?
Jesus taught, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (Matthew 6:34).
Worrying about the future steals the fullness of today.
How to apply this in modern America:
• Before checking the news or social media, pause. Acknowledge today as a fresh creation, a sacred gift.
• Shift from asking the question “What am I lacking?” to “What do I have available to me today, and how can I use it well?”
Shifting from Fear to Faith
“Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)
The American way of life is steeped in fear-based productivity—fear of failure, irrelevance, and loss. This leads to exhaustion and anxiety.
Scripture calls us to walk in faith, not in fear: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
How to apply this in modern America:
• Instead of making choices out of fear (scarcity, comparison, insecurity), choose based on trust and alignment.
• Practice “holy defiance” against societal pressure to always do more. Embrace rest as obedience (Exodus 20:8-10).
Being Present with People
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31)
America prioritizes busyness over presence—constant distraction, digital addiction, superficial interactions.
Jesus modeled something different: presence.
He stopped, listened, and gave His full attention to people (Luke 8:43-48).
How to apply this in modern America:
• When engaging with people, be fully there—put the phone down and turn off the ringer, listen without mentally rushing to the next task.
• Make eye contact and be attentive.
• Serve without expectation—not for credit, but because love is the highest calling (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
Is It Worth Living Eternity Now?
To embrace each day as eternity is not an escape from reality but a return to it. The truest reality—where fear, lack, and striving have no power.
Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21). That means eternity is not a distant promise—it is here, now, available to be lived in through every breath.
If enough people truly lived this way, there would be a revolution—not of politics, but of the human heart.
The revolution the world fears most is not political. It is spiritual. It is the human heart, fully awake—a soul, fully alive.