Invisible Scars, Unbreakable Resolve: Confronting Hate in a Fractured World
Exploring coded symbols, personal strength, and the urgency of truth.
I have felt mostly safe on my own for most of my life, despite regularly existing in unsafe environments. That’s got more to do with having been born to parents I was not safe with, than it does with actual objective reality though. My personal safety threshold was set to a very low bar from the start, but I no longer feel safe on my own anymore in North America.
When have I specifically experienced extreme fear or terror—especially in recent years? Well, lots of times actually. That’s because I have always sought to quickly process and move on from unpleasant thoughts and memories rather than lingering with them. So I get victimized for my refusal to settle for being victimized. It’s nuts, and it’s a pattern that is not mine alone. There are many people out there nowadays who in many ways are just like me. In this way, at least.
You can’t just pretend that you aren’t afraid and not be. It doesn’t work like that. Living through fear is the way that it happens.
Through life you develop scaffolding all around you, until before you know it you’ve become entirely guarded. Unpenetratable. A lost soul.
Realizing it’s too late to do anything different, you conform and curse, wasting away in accepting your sentence. Your children hear you. Your children believe you. Don’t make them regret that later in life. Honesty will always vibrate at a higher emotional frequency than the stagnation of dishonestly does.
Through releasing one’s egoic pain and fear to a divine acceptance of finality in acute episodes of distress, one employs the spiritual essence of God-in-form to dissociate from the trauma in progress.
Having a spiritual understanding of life and how human beings view themselves through societal norms and circumstances is having the awareness that man can destroy and abandon himself in an instant by allowing himself to be pushed into violating himself and others. This occurs when one releases attachment to their conscience, to their intuition—to their connection with the source consciousness of truth.
The more spiritually evolved someone is, the more horrifically they are tested. Pushing and expanding the limits of acceptable frames.
Babies who are generally brought into safe homes where they are loved and nurtured, surrounded by people who legitimately prioritize their children’s emotional and physical well-being, will naturally experience less trauma and associated symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and other disregulations than those brought up in artificially designed environments filled with sensory overstimulation, and/or inside of violent households. The emotional effects of either on a child’s early development are extremely similar.
As children grow up and take on ideas about the world from others outside the confines of their family, such as targeted media, marketing, and peers, they’ll tend to adopt beliefs about the world through their lens of privilege, rather than actually understanding how others experience it.
When I say privilege what I mean is safety. There is no race or gender or whatever divisive factor that determines the accepted specialness of a group of people. True privilege is the internal feeling of belonging and respect.
Safety as privilege can be so foundational, so quietly assumed, that those who experience it often struggle to understand its absence. For those who lack this inner compass, the effects ripple out in profound ways, influencing their responses to life’s narratives and shaping a distinctly different view of the world—not to mention how it’s manifested within the human body.
More and more you get targeted with messages about what you’re meant to feel, until you do. First you’ll become compliant, then eventually you’ll speak up and out against all these stories you’ve been fed, until it gets to be too much and you need a break. You’ll likely self-soothe with more inciteful, manufactured dramas that match your sensibility.
The coordinated attacks of Jews in Amsterdam the other day were not unexpected. Neither was the Hamas action against civilians at a large social gathering in Israel on October 7, 2023. Today I’d like to offer you a perhaps slightly radical alternative perspective.
According to history and traditions, Abrahamic people have been passing down their awareness of their own divinity—their own recognition of their soul’s DNA—through generations, silently. They set each other up, and they stalk each other.
Looking at our current societal conditions through a lens of theological perspective, secular society, and global migration, mankind is in the very beginning of an era of elevated consciousness which is both incredibly exciting and terrifying at the same time. Real life conditions don’t often move quite as quickly as one would like, though the more spiritually aligned they become, the more immediate the results one experiences. Declarations turn into clarity gathering exercises—though things rarely turn out according to anyone’s plans.
There are whole languages and sets of symbols that are insidious, often slipping under the radar for those who aren’t personally affected or educated in recognizing them. For those who live with the direct knowledge and experience of targeted hate, the signals are clear and unmistakable—yet to the uninformed and inexperienced, they can seem almost invisible. Had I not put in my time on the right side of the law, I doubt I would have even noticed myself.
Blatant antisemitism manifests in ways that can seem coded or indirect to the casual observer but are instantly recognizable to those who understand their significance. These include obvious hate symbols like swastikas and SS bolts, but also extend to more obscure but equally dangerous phrases, gestures, and symbols used by hate groups to signal their ideologies and reinforce their worldview.
Phrases like “14 words” or “88” are meaningless to the uninitiated but are well-known among white supremacist groups as codes for hateful, anti-Jewish ideology.
While in popular culture, “4:20” is widely associated with cannabis, in extremist circles April 20th also has significance as a date of reverence for Hitler among hate groups. In certain contexts, dates can carry dual meanings, with vastly different interpretations based on the group and setting in which it’s referenced.
For those outside these groups, these references may seem minor, almost innocuous. But for Jewish people and other targeted groups, these symbols carry the weight of an existential threat. They’re reminders of the violence that can and often does accompany antisemitic ideology.
I was visiting a friend last year when the October 7th attack occurred. She’d commented on how terrible what was happening in Gaza was and I agreed. She then criticized Israel as a nation and it was clear to me then that her understanding of historical facts learned through her traditional education, master’s degree, and smart community engagement was drastically different from the education I sourced myself from over years of introspection and traveling and engaging within cultures I sought to understand—people and museums curated to provide genuine experiences of interactions with history.
I explained to my friend that Netanyahu could not and would not back down. It is very difficult to explain how this was the very genesis for the creation of the nation state, by coordinated efforts of international leaders coming to terms with allowing Jews an explicitly safe place to exist in all the world. She could not understand what I was saying.
You have to understand how populations arise.
People screaming about what a nations’ leader “needs to do”, or really discussing anything that anyone other than them “needs to do”, further demonstrates the level of manipulation and delusion one is accustomed to and defensive of.
I believe that the long term stabilization of North America is greatly dependent upon the security and stability of Israel’s sovereignty. The region has been fought over since the beginning of time and will likely continue to be, by people dancing around each other up in very high towers.
What’s particularly alarming to me is how many known hate and gang affiliation symbols and ideas are creeping into mainstream culture, often unnoticed. They can be hidden within memes, slogans, programs, or phrases that, on the surface, don’t seem inflammatory. But for those with direct experience—those who have seen the harm these ideologies inflict—these signals are unmistakable. They’re red flags indicating that hate has found yet another platform, another channel through which it can spread.
Two nights ago I watched a tv commercial at my friend’s house that was a very clear-to-me advertisement for a Jewish hate group, masquerading as a Jewish help group. As someone with advanced understanding of propaganda and media production, I can assure you that this is how it’s done. One of the many ways, at least.
On the ground there is plenty of evidence as well. Areas that you go to where you know you aren’t welcome. At grocery stores, in restaurants, all around the town. Even law enforcement there carry colors. Since the lockdown happened, so much has changed. Also, some things remain the same.
Employers hire for positions based on personality markers for their various agendas. Any founder who’s built a meaningful enterprise has understood fundamentally that he’s fundamentally needed to build an army. Who is expendable and who will go to war over principles? That’s how humans get resourced. By the way, Happy Birthday Marines.
Terms like “globalist” are often used in political or social contexts, appearing to criticize globalization or certain economic policies. However, within hate groups, “globalist” is frequently a thinly veiled euphemism for “Jew,” painting Jewish people as the supposed masterminds behind societal and economic decline. Similarly, conspiracy theories like those involving “the elite” or “cultural Marxism” often target Jewish individuals by playing on old, dangerous tropes of Jewish control and manipulation.
One of the most unsettling aspects of blatant antisemitism is how it operates almost in plain sight. To someone who has been directly affected by these ideologies, the danger is clear, as we’ve lived with the real, personal cost of antisemitic hate. But for others, these coded messages might pass by unremarked, leaving room for hate to grow in ways that appear subtle, but are ultimately deadly.
Had I not personally come face to face with all of it in my life, I would not be able to believe it either.
The challenge, then, is exposing these signals without inadvertently normalizing them or allowing them to be dismissed. Those who remain silent risk becoming unwitting participants in the spread of a hatred that is neither new nor benign.
For those who have suffered from hate directly, these symbols are a clear reminder of their personal vulnerability. Recognizing and calling out these signals is an act of self-preservation and resistance against a pervasive and resilient strain of hatred.
I’m keen to speak on podcasts and media about any and all of this. My life has been fascinating on both sides of death.
From the perspective of an average person sitting in an armchair, I have lived the kind of fantasies you crave. But this is real for me. I’m not in some scripted production. The characters I interacted with really actually exist. They have real feelings. They have real families.
I’ll talk about anything from the perspective of extending wisdom for growth, though not for gory nor glory. I am disinterested in martyrdom.
I have hidden away truths and kept running, hoping one day I would finally belong. It never happened. I’m too this or too that, or not enough “you know” and “whatever”.
Everyone else has already moved on. I’m the only one who still cares. Who still thinks of you in my consideration of what to do. Never wanting to damage or hurt you.
I never wanted to disclose or discuss my trauma. It’s not fun. It’s not funny. I’m not interested in helping you desensitize yourself any further.
Until one understands the root cause of any illness, one cannot effectively contain or control it.
Look around! This is the result of a population of people who were bred to be satisfied living numb and dumb. There’s so much money in it all. So much separation between the thoughts and ideas at the top, and the impact of such from the bottom. The gap extends, buffering the systems and wizards that run it.
I want to have these conversations now, no holds barred—all topics, the more taboo the better. America needs to learn how to have real conversations openly and respectfully about what people are honestly experiencing internally.
The trajectory of grooming and recruiting young people into very dangerous real-life games is beyond horrifying. You would not believe me if I told you what’s going on in many, many, many neighborhoods. People stick together in tribes designed to protect their weakest links. Splintering is a natural byproduct of systemic abuse of a species. It’s the inevitable outcome of societies built to control rather than to nurture, designed to numb rather than awaken.
I do not feel safe alone anymore. Not sure if I ever will again. So I’m talking for as long as I can. Apparently, this is my act of rebellion at the moment, until I heal. Until I find the scaffolding to properly hold my shit together. Perhaps this is where I’ll find it. My fragile heart and body are still vulnerable, though my spirit and resolve are no longer shakeable.
I don’t need to be liked. I am here to elevate consciousness and eradicate poverty. I am here to trigger you into remembering the truth from which you came from and encourage you to act in accordance with that pure, divine, love and potential.
That’s what you’re from. You developed from that into the ever dynamic physical manifestation that expands and sheds in physical and non-physical ways from conception to post-mortality. It’s never too late to redesign your natural body or any aspect of your environment. Until it is.
The idea of either/or is poverty consciousness at its root and those who preach for division are in that moment mistaken. Jesus did not teach that. Jesus lived inclusion with filters. Jesus demonstrated life in form. Do you?
Marketers sold the stories. Marketers will always find and sell the stories. That’s their job. Hopefully they learn to do so in humble exploration of their humanity more often than not. There is no excuse for exploitation of anyone.
I Am the Daughter of Israel and I will not accept the idea that I should continue to live my life afraid.